How long is long enough?

I’ve heard three, six, and even one. I’ve heard all sorts of numbers and no, I am not talking inches. I know some of you expected this article to be a bout inches or the occasional foot plus. I am most sorry to have mislead you or got you excited for no reason. I am actually asking to enquirer how long is long enough before it is okay to take it to the bedroom (close enough I suppose). I know a few of you will like to say any time after marriage but it is 2013. My only message here is If you can’t be good, at least be safe, and try to be sensible, unless of course you are looking to sell yourself for cheap. AIDS no dey show for face.

This article is aimed mainly at women because for most guys an hour of getting to know a girl is more than enough time to get on with it. You know how they say men think with our penis or at least on behalf of it. For ladies on the other hand, this issue of giving ‘it’ up is actually quite a big one. Being able to spot a player is one thing, being able to tell when it will be seen to be respectable to give ‘it’ up is a whole different ball game (pun not intended!). For girls already operating on the same wavelength as men you probably stopped reading after the first paragraph.

I once heard there is a three date unwritten rule that makes it acceptable and respectable to give ‘it’ up. Judging by the work ethic of most men on a new woman I will say that adds up to three weeks. A date a week seems to be the standard. Two cheap dates and one reasonably priced one tends to be the recipe on rotation these days.

Personally I have no real opinion on this matter but I really think every lady needs to have a time frame they deem respectable. You know the saying, ‘easy come, easy go’. Guy’s tend to drop the ball after they hit it. A friend once said ‘pussy’ loses its value by 50% after the first session, but if made to work for it this loss can be can be reduced significantly.

Ladies and gents let me know what you think.

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Okay so you get money…

baall

Money can by clothes and gold, but it will never buy you class.

While I am not a big fan of popular culture I can’t say I haven’t got an appetite for a bit of gossip. Lets not forget the ever entertaining comments left on most gossip oriented Nigerian blogs. Linda Ikeji might only write two paragraphs for a long post, but I have to hand it to her for knowing how to run a micro blog I religiously check into her blog at the end of the day as part of my winding down ritual. There is only so much serious stuff one can take before the head explodes.

Lately I have to say there are a lot of posts of Nigerian celebrities flaunting their wealth. Gucci this, Louis that, Range here, Benz there. I mean some of these dudes are straight up posing with cash on Instagram. We get it, you’re balling….Moving on. It is obvious to see our celebs are simply copying what they have seen Western celebrities portray. It only makes sense that our celebs act out what their predecessors abroad have been doing for years now. I mean we have adopted their music, fashion, and other rather superficial cultures. I perfectly understand that this display of wealth is good for celebrity business. If not for any other reason it earns them a post in a lot of blogs. My only quarrel is how these celebs are portraying their new found wealth. There is something quite childish about posing with bottles or stacks of cash.

egodi

So you are paying with cash?

Feel free to flaunt for publicity but make an effort to do it right. If you want to show off a watch for example, a picture of your wrist on your lyric book with some words on it makes it look more casual. Why isn’t there some PR company managing these celebs image? Don’t get me wrong I like a lot of the music which is what matters, but guys stop to dey fall our hand. Add some class to the swag.

P.S I like how Wizkid balances out his flaunting by always expressing being thankful. Rappers take note.

wizz

Wizkid
Recently Star Boy Wizkid shared on Instagram, images of his newly acquired sleek Porsche Panamera S. Posing next to the sleek car with a price ranging from $75,000 to $175,000 depending on the spec, the music star said I am “Thankful”
From Bella Naija (abeg no sue me)

Sexism in Nigeria…both ways

I will start by saying I do not get on well with feminists. My ex-girlfriend’s mum was somewhat of a feminist and her opinions constantly kept me on edge every time we had to cross paths. I have found many feminists that I come in contact with rather close minded. I will give a brief example. Men don’t like hour glass shaped women because we watch too much porn. We like these women because evolution suggests a good waist to hip ratio signifies fertility. Nature made this up, not men. It is for this same reason women like muscular men, they seem to make better protectors and providers from cave man times. Of course today a bank account is a good substitute and while a lot of women will deny, we know success makes a man a billion times  more attractive.

Given that I have never met a black feminist I will keep an open mind that Nigerian feminists (if they do exist) might be a bit different. Christ knows women in Nigeria have it real bad. Has anyone noticed how a man’s supposed ‘sins’ are always overlooked but a woman with half the amount will be near enough stoned to death. Allow me to illustrate. If I told my friends that I bedded seven girls in a week I would be showered with praise and crowned the player of the year. Even girls have come to accept the normality of male promiscuity. In fact it is almost expected of a man to be promiscuous. A woman bedding two guys in a week on the other hand…slut, hoe, whore, harlot, Jezebel…etc. You get the picture. If we are to walk the religious line can anyone quote any instance where the Bible or whatever you read illustrated that there is one law for men and another for women? Did the ten commandment state that men were somehow exempt from fornication or adultery? Or have men made this a social norm to subjugate women?

Well that’s a solution…

I am by no means promoting promiscuity, but we have to start applying the rules to both teams or we don’t apply them at all. Everyone has that one friend that will shag a chicken but wants to marry a virgin. Are you for real? On the other hand, ladies you guys need to stop expecting us to handle your expenses when we are out. This is the 21st century. Women are educated and working at the same capacity as men these days. Some of you guys are richer than most guys. If a guy offers to pay, by all means allow him feel like Romeo. But if the guy isn’t rolling in Benjamins then please don’t make the guy buy you Brazilian hair. We all know some girl that gets a regular supply of credit from one idiot or the other. Guys we must demand equal rights too!

Said no man ever!

No be by force to be doctor…parents, abeg chill

naijarents

There is no doubt in my mind that most Nigerian parents are after what is best for their children. There are no limits to what my parents would do for me and I am forever grateful for what they have already done and plan to do. I am sure a lot of you can relate to the sacrifices parents make every day for our progress, but what happens when this well meant sacrifices clash with our own dreams and aspirations? Allow me to explain.

Today Chiamada Adiche is a celebrated bestselling author around the world with a movie adaptation of one of her books ready for the big screen.

She decided to study Communication and Political Science after a year and half of Medicine and Pharmacy. The founding father of Nigeria’s independence, Nnamdi Azikiwe mastered in Political Science and Anthropology. Wole Soyinka, Obafemi Awolowo, Chinua Achebe…etc. There is no shortage of progressive thinking Nigerians that have opted to study in fields not related to science, this include engineering by the way. So why do our parents continue to present the idea that some degrees are more equal than others?

anifarm

All degrees are equal, but some are more equal than others

For as long as I could remember my parents had always told me that science degrees were the only degrees worth having. On arriving to the UK for further education after leaving secondary school I wasn’t the least surprised to realize just about every other Nigerian was studying Pharmacy, Medicine, a form of Engineering, and the occasional Accountancy, Economics and Business Studies. During my first year in University while studying Pharmacy I rang my parents to discuss the possibility of changing to another degree. I personally felt ill-suited for pharmacy as it seemed to be in conflict with most of my natural talents and interests. I wanted to study PPE, a combined degree drawing on Philosophy, Politics, and Economics. I won’t go into the details of the phone call but it ended with my dad suggesting the degree was worthless and will lead to poverty in my future. Similar stories are not unheard of and the perception of most unorthodox to be somewhat inferior to the conventional degrees is evident even in the employers market in Nigeria. Perhaps maybe it only seems this way because at entry level there are only few pupils in these degrees anyways. In my secondary school only one for catered to social-science and arts students respectively. Five forms housed the science students!

If Nigeria is to progress we must change our perception on what education means to start with. This means instead of considering it to be an investment for future job prospects we must think of it first as an opportunity for mind expansion. Secondly, parents should learn to take the talents and natural affinities of their children into account in the process of course guidance. Finally, we must change our perception of the current unorthodox degrees by learning to appreciate their value in society. In an emerging economy and developing society it is imperative to possess a well-rounded talent pool of individuals.

Black or Yellow, Black or Yellow?

gf2

As long as I can remember I have always been humanitarian as far as women are concerned. Black, white, yellow, mixed….if purple women existed I’d probably give them a go too. In fact the only thing that could make me bias to a lady in terms of beauty is a certain air of ‘exoticness’ (Hold yourself, I know it’s not a real word. My spell check made sure of that). In Nigeria for example, I find the Hausa girls a bit more appealing because their accents and distinct facial features. I’m sure if I grew up in the North I would be saying the same thing about Eastern and Southern girls. As they say: Grass is always greener on the other side.

I would love to tell you all about my many perceptions of female beauty but this article is not about me. This article is about Nigerian girls! I remember my father confiscating some bleaching cream from our house-girl many years ago. I was maybe 11 years old or less when this happened. Needless to say I was completely unaware of the concept of beauty and how it could differ from person to person. However, flash forward a few years and I have to ask; do Nigerian girls really believe that the lighter you are, the prettier you become? This question has been on my mind since someone said my sister only looks pretty because she is light skinned. I for slap the guy but na my uncle talk am, fear no let me. After my uncle made me aware of how widespread this idea of light skin equating to beauty was, I have been on the look out for trends to prove his theory.

gf4 gf3

The celebrities of every society are often blessed with the super-powers of being able to seduce any woman and from what I have seen light skin is very much in fashion. Ladies and gentlemen, can someone be kind enough to educate me on this. In my time in UK I have noticed mixed raced guys and girls alike get some kind of aesthetic pass. Is this the same back home? Should I buy some bleaching cream while I’m out here for my female lady friends?

Jesus don suffer sha :(

I will start with my favorite Bible quote:
Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!

Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!

Jesus himself has said that it is not by confessing that Jesus is Lord, so why do we still insist on this lazy idea that just by confessing you will be saved. Of all the many problems facing Nigeria (and God knows they are many), our perceptions of religion and it’s application to our lives and society is by far in the lead. Shame on these pastors and imams for misleading their flock. Only if Christians were more like Jesus and Muslims more like Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him).

Karl Marx put it more eloquently when he declared religion to be the opium of the people. It is beyond me how these pastors have managed to sway a multitude of civilians into making them so rich. I mean some of these people come to church in bathroom-slippers! I wonder how many people would still choose to be pastors if the barrier to entry was as complicated as say that of Buddhist monks. Buddhists monks are subjected to a life of material poverty in exchange for spiritual wealth. A Buddhist monk is only allowed one set of clothes, cannot own any property, and I think he will only eat what he is given. They don’t even use money! This makes sure that only the truly dedicated take on this role. Tell this one to naija pastors, you’re going to see plenty Ben Johnsons and Usain Bolts.

This guy apparently own FOUR private jets...seriously

This guy apparently own FOUR private jets…seriously?

Archbishop dey enjoy Pope self dey enjoy Imam self dey enjoy My brother wetin you say? My brother wetin you say?

Archbishop dey enjoy
Pope self dey enjoy
Imam self dey enjoy
My brother wetin you say?
My brother wetin you say?

I have no beef with religion. It is every man’s and woman’s right to believe in whatever they like as long as it doesn’t affect the rest of us. On this note can someone please tell these northern senators to stop making our country and themselves look stupid. I read somewhere that religion is like a penis. It is fine to have one and to be proud of it. But do not force it on anyone else. That is rape!

Dick

In my less than humble opinion, the concept of ALL mass religions founded on doctrines are FALSE. Jesus was murdered by the Pharisees (they also hated John the Baptist) and if he comes back again the Churches will get him killed before any government. Only teachings based around understanding of the nature of God and philosophy can offer any kind of truth (this can be Christian teachings too). And may I add that what you think God to be may be different from what I think. Zik in his wisdom pointed out that Spiritual Balance (To show empathy for other peoples views, and recognize their right to hold such views) and Social Regeneration (To expel from one’s self national, religious, racial, tribal, political-economic, and ethical prejudice) where the two top ingredients for the advancement of Africans.

You wan go London abi?

carry go

So I don’t know if you guys heard but the UK is seriously considering subjecting first-time visitors from Nigeria and five other Common Wealth nations to a £3000 bond before issuing them with visa. For anybody wey no go school, bond means you will get the money back when you leave. Personally I don’t approve of this idea. My first family holiday ever was to UK in 1999. My father was just about to afford the trip for himself, my mother, and the three kids. If he had to post £3000 pounds for even one person, that holiday was not going to happen. I have read streams of outrage all over the web as Nigerians have expressed their distaste for this new idea. You know the usual reactions to such announcements:

“What are Nigerians even doing in the UK? Come home and develop your country”

“We must retaliate, don’t sell oil to them!” This one cracked me up.

Our Minister of Foreign Affairs, Ambassador of Olugbenga Ashiru has gone on the record to say should this scheme be enacted Nigeria will ‘retaliate’. Dear minister, until we stabilize our country and stop depending on foreign aids all you can do is bark bark, no bite bite.

Minister of Foreign Affairs, Ambassador Olugbenga Ashiru

Minister of Foreign Affairs, Ambassador Olugbenga Ashiru

But before we raise hell on the British let us take a minute to look into history. Many Nigerians began moving to Ghana after Ghana became the first independent country in the region in 1957. Also in the 70s many Ghanians moved to Nigeria as economic refugees The relationship became sour when the flow began to shift the demographics of the country and the people became unhappy. Thus, under former Ghanaian president Busia’s Aliens Compliance Order of 1969 Nigerians and other immigrants were forced to leave Ghana as they made up 20 percent of Ghana’s population at the time. In 1983, Nigeria deported up to 1 million Ghanaian and other African immigrants when Ghana was facing severe drought and economic problems, and another 300,000 in early 1985 on short notice. Imagine if the UK pulled a stunt like this?

We named a bag after these people!

We named a bag after these people!

The objective truth of the matter is that every government is allowed to regulate their land as they feel is best for their citizens. The moral implication is for a philosophical debate. If na you vex pass, put hand develop your country. Jesus will not do this for you. He must be busy in Syria or some other war torn country.