The internet is crawling with tons of dating and relationship tip of all sorts. How to get the right man, How to be the perfect woman for him, Make any girl fall in love, What women want (even God doesn’t know this, little joke for you guys). The list is long and exhaustive. Unsurprisingly these posts seem to attract a lot of views and comments. I would consider writing some to improve my ratings but out of principle I cannot do this and here is the reason. The notion that any one person can tell you how to attract anyone that isn’t the person giving the advice is at best silly in my opinion. How can someone else tell you what to do when you are on a date with me?
I have read posts advising women to always let the guy pay because we feel a sense of pride getting the bill. There are probably some men out there that feel this way but some of us feel differently. Surely if I pay sometimes, you should pay sometimes too. I have to say nothing feels as good as a lady taking me out. When I mean taking me out I mean choosing the place, the activity, setting the time, and picking up the bill. I love an independent woman. This is not to be mistaken for a bossy woman. What is the point of having a society where women work if they don’t get to pay for anything? I also read one saying women should not make themselves too available for dates. Basically, if the man calls for a date on Wednesday, post him till Friday even if you aren’t busy. Are you kidding me! So what happens when this man gets to know you only realizes your life isn’t actually as full as you pretended it was? We have all heard the rules about when to give into sex and not mentioning the C word (children). I think mature adults should know what they want. I have concluded I want three kids because I wouldn’t be caught dead in a people carrier among other reasons and I will tell it to you on the first date if you care to listen. I know guys that have gone to bed with a woman on the first night of meeting them and they are still together with kids. The point I am trying to make is that there is no rules in dating and building relationships. These rules group individuals into statistical averages which negates the whole point of building a personal relationship. My only dating advice is for you to be yourself, if yourself isn’t good enough, then work on yourself.
Mature individuals are perfectly capable of identifying what they want, there is no need for childish games and rule books.
I have always been of the opinion that emotions have been constant from the dawn of time. A man feeling happy today is no happier than a man feeling happy a thousand years ago even if the reasons for our happiness has come a long way. The question then is not do we feel happier, but do we feel happy more often. Sometimes I find myself pretending not to be as content or happy with my life because everyone around seems to be so unhappy and I don’t want to rub it in anyone’s face. It seems to me that in this century of self we have developed a sense of entitlement and expectations.
Everyone wants everything to be perfect and ideal like we live in a Utopian society. We expect our boss to treat us as equals, we expect our partners to look like Brad Pitt or Halle Berry with an IQ equal to Einstein, the swagger or two Jay-Zs and a sense of humor worthy of a stand up performance. In a relationship we want our every need met and there is no margin for error. We expect the government to run the country like they aren’t just humans…the list goes on. What is even more perplexing about this situation is that we have placed our happiness on the shoulders of everyone but ourselves, yet we wonder why our lives read as one let down after the other. It has become my philosophy that the only thing perfect about life is its imperfections. Your boss will be a dick to you, your partner will let you down, you will encounter injustice probably more than you will encounter justice. Until you realize that the only changes you can truly make in life are those you make to yourself you will never be happy, you will never be content.
Cheap Facebook likes, Twitter follows and Instagram likes can only release a short burst of serotonin and at best serve as an escape to deep seeded discontent to where our lives are going. Think for a second, what have you done so far out of the ordinary? What are your achievements so far? Who do you want to be tomorrow and what are you doing today to be that person. Nothing is give, all is earned. Good morning 🙂
And for those of you that will quote Buddhas and the likes about happiness being a state of mind, I hope you have looked deeply enough into the philosophies you quote. At the rate I’m seeing these bite size philosophy quotes I’m starting to think everyone can write their own Plato’s dialogue.
Given that Buddha didn’t speak English this is probably fake. Good philosophy though 🙂 And who was there writing out all these conversations?
No quite accurate but you get the point….stop bitching
I understand that I run the risk of being branded a sellout or something of that sort with this one, but the day I let thoughts like this deter me is the day I will have officially lost both my balls. Following a heated Facebook debate over a link from a previous article, I have decided to tackle this subject head on. Personally, I am very much against playing the victim. People feel victimized because they condition their minds to feel that way. Anyone noticed how hitting a child in UK is termed child abuse but back home at best it’s corporal punishment. No Nigerian walks around feeling abused because their parents, teachers or seniors in school gave them a good beating. So why do we walk around feeling like victims of colonization? It’s been like 54 years and we still site colonization as the reason for our inability to come together as a country. You can blame the white man for grouping us in one country, but you sure as hell cannot blame him for us not being able to work through our cultural differences. You can definitely not blame him for political corruption or the fact that we haven’t had any visionary leaders since the founding fathers. You cannot blame him for the fact that the elite Nigerians have a self-centered mentality being passed down from one generation to the next.
Let us not forget that colonization introduced the concept of education and birthed modernization which by all counts is a necessity to survive in the global village we inhabit today. I am not trying to ass kiss the British, facts are facts. We can accept them and move on, or we can wallow in the past. As far as I can see the only disadvantage to colonization was the grouping of a culturally diverse region into one country. But if we were so against this idea why did the South and North not allow the East to breakaway to form Biafra? Because everyone wanted a piece of the resources available in the East. I forever commend Zik on agreeing to share power with the North because he believed in the idea of One Nigeria. He believed we could overcome our cultural differences as was outlined in the principles of his philosophy (Zikism). Sadly we have left him turning in his grave and we are blaming the white man like the Naira didn’t used to be equal to the pound. How was the British supposed to know we would elect one idiot after the other or go through military coups after military coup. I have noticed how Nigerians complain about not being able to read blog posts and lets not even get into reading books. It is 2013, information and knowledge like never before is at our finger tips, how about we apply ourselves to learning to build a better society instead of rethinking how the white man did us wrong.
And for the overly religious, the white man brought Christianity to Nigeria too, so next time you are saying praise the Lord don’t forget to thank the British while you are at it.
I have always been on the opinion that women would eventually run this world. The moment we removed the need for physical dominance in society the playing field was made equal and ever since then women have been asking for a bigger piece of the pie. And please save me the ‘we were oppressed for so many years’ speech. If that was any valid reason then all Africans should be living a life of luxury sponsored by the West. In the West today (at least in UK), the man will be asked to leave the house if one must leave due to a domestic altercation. Why should the man have to leave even if he isn’t at fault? Verbal abuse is labelled ‘abuse’ and has anyone noticed how it is so normal for women to hit men? Even in movies you see it all the time and no one cares! I heard Nigeria now has a very active women’s union. I commend that, for the longest time women have been overly subjugated but we have to draw the line somewhere. Couples must be made aware that marriage is and will always be a risk of which both parties should be ready to take a loss. It seems like the legal system has so protected women that it has made the decision to get a divorce not just easy but appealing on some level. Men are out here losing houses after paying ten years worth of mortgage charges! And don’t even get me started on alimony and some of the ridiculously unfair child support bills being dished out. In my opinion there should be a standard child support fee, or at least a reasonable maximum.
– Nas: In December 2009, the rapper was ordered to pay more than $51,000 per month to his ex-wife, singer Kelis (isn’t the woman loaded too), and their son.
– Martin Brodeur: In March 2009, the New Jersey Devils goalie was ordered to pay his ex-wife $500,000 a year in alimony until 2020, as well as $132,000 in annual child support.
– Russell Simmons: In February 2009, the hip-hop mogul agreed to pay $40,000 per month in child support for his daughters Ming and Aoki with ex-wife Kimora Lee Simmons. The payments were to continue until both girls reach 19 1/2.
– Britney Spears: In July 2008, months after erratic behavior landed her in the hospital and saw her father appointed conservator of her estate, the pop singer reached a settlement with ex-husband Kevin Federline that had her paying him $20,000 per month in child support.
Anyone see something funny in these numbers? I used to think common sense was enough to handle most of these cases but clearly I was wrong. Anybody remembers Paul and Heather? I will advise every man looking to get married to sign a prenuptial agreement if you don’t want to be living under a car when she leaves your ass. Men have been reported to lose as much as 77% of their net worth following a divorce. No wonder divorced men are prone to suicide. And even when we remarry alimony to the ex-wife still takes precedence over our new expense. I could go on about this and throw more stats at you but it’s time for my morning coffee. I leave you with this:
“We want prenup” Yeah!
It’s something that you need to have
Cause when she leave your ass she gonna leave with half
18 years, 18 years
And on the 18th birthday he found out it wasn’t his?!
Deeper Life Pastor Rapes 11yrs Old Girls
Not that there is anything new about “Men of God” molesting kids but this has to be the most outrageous reason ever. The pastor said he was possessed by evil spirits that made him do it. Right…
Beverly and Angelo have sex in the BBA House
If it’s on national TV and on a reality show…Is it still classed as porn? It is good to see that voyeurism exists worldwide though. Comments on this have been pouring in by the truck load. Negative or positive, Africa is watching.
Forget 50 Shades of Gray. Check out 40 Days of Dating
Two friends have embarked on 40 days of dating and are giving an introspective view into the process on the blog http://www.fortydaysofdating.com. Check it out for all the juice.
Sheikh Abubakar Shekau, leader of the violent Islamic sect, Boko Haram, has reportedly been shot and deposed by members of his own sect, Boko Haram
A new leader, Abu Zamira Mohammed, who is the sect’s leader negotiating with the federal government has been appointed new leader by the group’s Shura Council. – See more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/08/shekau-shot-deposed-boko-haram-spiritual-leader/
Still hasn’t bought any player…
Not really news but hey, it’s Saturday, nothing interesting has really been happening 🙂