How much do you really NOT care?

It is very common these days to see people claim not to care about what other’s think about them. I have to confess I actually care and I think deep down a lot of people do. If not then why are we so bothered with pointless social participation on social networks? Why do we dress to be fashionable when we are afforded the option of comfort? Why do we get fired up when people have clashing opinions to ours if we really don’t care about what they think?

Contrary to the ‘I don’t care’ and ‘fuck the haters’ posts that clog my news feed I think we have never been more self conscious than we are today. I bet everyone knows someone doing the insanity workout and lets not even go into diet pills and plastic surgery. My question is why are we so scared to admit that we seek approval and acceptance? Surely this is a natural condition. We might want to all be unique individuals but no one wants to be an outcast. I’ve had girls say to me that they don’t care what anyone thought of their outfit, the same girls before my very own eyes labeled another girl slutty for dressing how they considered to be inappropriate. I wonder how they would have felt if they were on the other end of this label.

For the most part guys will admit to make an effort to impress women. The rise in small legs syndrome as a result of skipping leg training is evidence in itself why a lot of men pump metal at the gym. The notion of looking good for ones own self sound just vain to me. We might struggle to admit it but the principle reason to look good is to be approved of by others. Why else has Instagram been so successful? I mean what benefit is having someone like a photo of you to your life really? Just Google ‘studies on facebook pictures insecure’ and see the findings on the subject.

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Dress how you wish to be addressed

Unfortunately we live in a society where perception is reality as much as we may wish to have it differently. In a conversation with a moderate feminist last weekend we managed to touch on the subject of how women should dress. I particularly try to avoid this topic because I am always worried about being misunderstood. In a free world we must be free to think and dress as we please, but we also have to take into account the consequences of some actions. We might not like to admit it, but our perceptions are constantly being reshaped daily by what we see around us. What I am trying to say is that while you can wear whatever you like, you have to be willing to accommodate assumptions attached to your choice of clothing.

I’m sure some of you have watched those Amazon tribe documentaries where women walk around bare breasted like it is casual. Well, I guess in some societies it is. They are not being labeled as sluts, hoes, or whatever derogatory term men use these days. In most developed or developing societies however, thanks to music videos and other media streams certain attachments come with exposing some skin especially the breasts and buttocks region (did I just write buttocks?). It is my opinion that while a woman is free to dress as she pleases without crossing the line of indecent exposure for the sake of children and the general public, she should also be aware of the perception she may be setting.

It is also worth mentioning that dressing extremely provocatively sends the male thinking down the testosterone route. I mean who looks at a female with half her tits hanging out and thinks ‘I bet she got a good head on her shoulders’. I will like to add that this is NOT an endorsement of rape and other blatantly anti-social and criminal behavior on the grounds that a female was showing too much skin. Men can think what we want to about the skimpiest outfit but it doesn’t justify grabbing a female’s bum without her permission. Display is no invitation.

P.S Why is it okay for women to pinch a guy’s ass but the other way round is a social crime….think about it.

Bullying

If you went to school in Africa (Nigerian boarding schools to be precise) you undoubtedly have a completely different perception to what gets passed off as bullying in the West. The concept of cyber-bull where I’m from is more or less an oxymoron (ain’t no body got time for that!). From as early as nine or ten years old most kids (myself included) experience physical bullying in the form of belting and a range of corporal punishments I cannot begin to explain. The school systems are structured to permit this kind of treatment with an unspoken rule that arranges a power structure within students based on what year you are in. Teachers of course are allowed to smack you. While I will not promote or defend bullying in this way, I would point out that this ‘suck it up’ philosophy encourages a certain type of character building unseen in the West as far as bullying is concerned. I have been reading through comments about the victim of cyber bullying on Ask.fm that ended up hanging herself and it has really got me thinking. Of course this is not the first time such a case has arisen and if steps are not taken it wouldn’t be the last either.

Most comments seem to call for better monitoring of these sites, better parental monitoring of children’s internet activity, or blame the victims for not being mature enough to handle the situation. I think it is worth considering how children are socialized these days to figure out if society is not giving kids the tools essential to build strong characters. Could it be possible that in today’s society children are over-protected and under-monitored? I will give an example. In Nigeria it is very common for parents to physically hit their kids to  deter them from repeating an offense. Because this happens to everyone there is no stigma attached to it. No Nigerian grows up feeling ‘abused’ because their parents hit them with a belt or shoe on a few occasions. In the West a parent hitting the child provides this child with a sob story for the rest of their life. I actually remember being teased with the term ‘ajebor’ (posh) in school because I said my parents never hit me. In fact I considered making up that they did just to feel normal!

Do you think old people suggest bringing back the cane because they want others to taste their pain or because they actually believe it is can help for character building?

I do not have kids therefore I feel rather unqualified to suggest a solution, but it is obvious that much needs to be done in regards to character building to reduce the need for social acceptance among the young. Perhaps some scheme rolled out to lecture kids on handling bullying after teaching them how to put condoms over cucumbers?

Toying with sex…

Don’t ask what led to this, but basically I went from discussing the possibility of a future where robots were integrated into society to how they might replace spouses. There are already people married to dolls and even pillows in Japan. The obvious question was would we eventually start sleeping with machines…ermm we kind of already do (vibrators and all that stuff). But I’m not trying to write a post about sex toys, instead I’m trying to ask why is it that the use of sex toys is socially accepted for women but not so much for men?

Women talk to each other about their latest purchases and there is no real awkwardness in discovering a sex toy in a female’s room. For men on the other hand, your hand is as much a helper as you are allowed. Just imagine walking into a guy’s room to discover this:

Given that men are generally assumed to be the hornier of the gender you would think the shop floors of sex shops would be littered with toys intended for male sexual gratification but this is far from the case. I have two theories to support the phenomenon but I am curios to what everyone else thinks. Firstly, I propose that maybe because it is too easy for men to ‘arrive’ there is really no need for us to invest in extras. While this explains why very little research and development has gone into producing male sex toys, it doesn’t explain why it is hasn’t been normalized in society for men to use sex toys for self-pleasure (I am cringing writing a lot of these phrases, such a prude). Regarding the social stigmatization of men using toys for masturbation I am guessing it arises of the egocentric thought process of men in regards to sex. Because we praise our ability to be promiscuous we regard using such toys as a sign that the guy is ‘not getting enough’ because his game is weak. Women on the other hand are free from this conception, at least to a degree enough to make it acceptable for them to substitute with mechanical assistants. Any thoughts?

Why women cannot rule the world…YET!

A bit of sexist humor to start with 🙂

I am hoping that this one will not land me in another soup of trouble with the opposite sex but someone has to say this. I would like to start by saying that women are strong, but men still hold all the physical records in sporting events. I am no stranger to the world of feminists and their quest for equality which at best I will describe as unrealistic. The truth of the matter is that men are different from women and that is never going to change. The notion that anything a man can do, a woman can do better and vice versa is just silly. The point I am trying to make here is that each gender has its strengths and weaknesses and if only women focused more on building on their strengths instead of trying to do everything men do to prove a point, women actually have a very good chance of ruling this world.

From a socialization stand point women are constantly being groomed to fall behind in some of the world’s leading fields of development but no one seems to be addressing this issue. Little girls are given ‘baby’ dolls to take care of or dolls with doll houses. Boys on the other hand get to play with toy cars, legos, and other toy of a constructive nature. Just Google ‘Lego for girls’ and see what girls get to build when legos are given to them. From a childhood age girls are misdirected from interest in things of a technical nature and we wonder why very few girls are present at engineering lectures in the university or why the tech industry is lacking in female programmers. It is the same reason there aren’t as many men practicing hairdressing. A British Gas engineer told me they only had TWO female engineers in the region! Ladies if you are serious about equality with men it is time to deconstruct the entire idea of what it is to be a woman. The notion that girls that are interested in technical stuff and play video games are ‘Tomboys’ should tell you something about what women have accepted to be their identity in society. Instead of spending time fighting for trivial rights I will recommend the feminist movement dedicates its time to educating girls on breaking away from stereotypical female ideas. This ranges from sexual identity to inter-female relations. Women accuse men of calling promiscuous women hoes but turn around and do exactly the same to each other. I commend what fighting women in Iraq and Afghanistan did to shift the way we think of women in battle. Instead of complaining about the system they fought with valor even breaking protocols on many occasions to earn the respect of their male colleges. Actions will always speak louder than words. There are still issues around women in the military as they face difficulty completing some of the physical circuit test but no one can say they are incapable of battle.

Anyone got her number?

There is much to be said about this topic but I am hoping this opens the door for conversation. Feel free to leave your thoughts and opinions in the comment section.