Dress how you wish to be addressed

Unfortunately we live in a society where perception is reality as much as we may wish to have it differently. In a conversation with a moderate feminist last weekend we managed to touch on the subject of how women should dress. I particularly try to avoid this topic because I am always worried about being misunderstood. In a free world we must be free to think and dress as we please, but we also have to take into account the consequences of some actions. We might not like to admit it, but our perceptions are constantly being reshaped daily by what we see around us. What I am trying to say is that while you can wear whatever you like, you have to be willing to accommodate assumptions attached to your choice of clothing.

I’m sure some of you have watched those Amazon tribe documentaries where women walk around bare breasted like it is casual. Well, I guess in some societies it is. They are not being labeled as sluts, hoes, or whatever derogatory term men use these days. In most developed or developing societies however, thanks to music videos and other media streams certain attachments come with exposing some skin especially the breasts and buttocks region (did I just write buttocks?). It is my opinion that while a woman is free to dress as she pleases without crossing the line of indecent exposure for the sake of children and the general public, she should also be aware of the perception she may be setting.

It is also worth mentioning that dressing extremely provocatively sends the male thinking down the testosterone route. I mean who looks at a female with half her tits hanging out and thinks ‘I bet she got a good head on her shoulders’. I will like to add that this is NOT an endorsement of rape and other blatantly anti-social and criminal behavior on the grounds that a female was showing too much skin. Men can think what we want to about the skimpiest outfit but it doesn’t justify grabbing a female’s bum without her permission. Display is no invitation.

P.S Why is it okay for women to pinch a guy’s ass but the other way round is a social crime….think about it.

53 years later…

I am no Nigeria historian or anthropologist but I don’t think it takes either to understand the Nigerian problem. It’s been 53 years and we still suffer from side-effects of colonialism as the world merges into a global village. Today Nigerians all over the world would be partying to mark he birth of our nation, but this is my question…what exactly are we celebrating? Surely this would be a good time to sit and reflect on our journey so far and the prospective future. With out constant reflection and evaluation how can we improve? Or is the idea of a better Nigeria merely a fantasy we delude ourselves with while carrying on with business as usual. I will spend this month writing on social issues in Nigeria and I would very much like fellow Nigerians and foreigners alike to engage in these discussions. As you can expect the content of some of these post will be sensitive, I ask that all arguments are brought forward with respect of each other’s opinions in the absence of foul language or other derogatory remarks. I look forward to hearing from you all.

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I am no sociologist but I don’t think you have to be one to recognize where human potential has not been tapped. Nigeria is populated with over 140million people of which 68% live in poverty. Thanks to poor governance we have developed an oligarchy where nepotism is more or less the only way to be a part of the ruling class and this spreads even into obtaining a job. It is no news that Nigeria is rich with oil, blessed with good weather (can be a bit too hot), manpower (can’t wait for the politically correct version of this word), fertile soil, and a bunch of other naturally good stuff. So why have we developed a system with a middle and upper class supported by a sea of extreme lower class?

I was startled to see a few men in office get picked up by the airport with more or less ten cars in a convoy (each of course). Not only does our government spend recklessly but most of what should be national funds are treated as private profits leaving behind a trail of underdevelopment in a fast developing world. While I can sit down in the comfort of an air conditioned room to think over this issue the average Nigerian is too busy thinking about basic survival to care about socio-political matters. Lack of good education and promotion of distractions like over-religiousness and political rhetoric played in the media has worsened the situation leaving any hope for change in the hands of the middle and upper-class. If history is anything to go by then we know a man on a full stomach is not prepared to revolt for any cause of an economic nature.

I might have been away for eight years but fundamentally nothing has changed. There has been some development but this must not be confused with progress. I will be doing more writings of  a socio-political and economic nature. There is much to write about the effects of tribal differences, possibilities of revolutions, and debates on democracy. I have to say I do enjoy knowing that there is much to be done here and I definitely hope to be as much a ‘doer’ as I am a ‘sayer’. Stay tuned for more.

The N-Word…who can say it?

I wouldn’t even try to act holier than thou, I have been just as guilty as Lil Wayne rhyming Nigga with Nigga when it comes to using the N-word. In fact if a child died every time I uttered the N-word with my friends (black friends) the world would be free from population problems. But does this mean that there is nothing wrong with throwing this word about? No! I have heard and read all sorts of arguments surrounding the use of this word and I will try to run through some of the common arguments to normalize the use of it in this post.

1. You guys use it all the time with each other and n rap music so why can’t we?

I often do wonder if I would miss saying the N-word that much if I wasn’t black. I mean is it that sweet a word that just because blacks say it then everyone else has to say it? All words are context sensitive in their use, and context can change meaning. Rappers refer to females as ‘bitches’ in every song but you don’t see people arguing that we should be able to freely refer to women as bitches. If it is okay in your circle of friends then by all means brand your girlfriend your ‘main bitch’, but that doesn’t mean other women will not take offense to it. Eminem is undoubtedly on most people’s top ten list of best rappers ever but he has managed to not use the N-word in any of his songs.

2. This generation and the upcoming one has been desensitized to the word therefore should be allowed to say it?

This has got to be the laziest excuse for it. Every human being is ultimately responsible for the quality of their understanding of the world and society. We may try to blame pop culture, family, friends, school systems..etc, but ultimately personal responsibility dictates that we are all the gatekeepers of our own minds. Current Western society has been desensitized to religion, it is okay to share private religious jokes but that doesn’t make it okay to ridicule someone else’s beliefs to their attention (it is more wrong to kill someone over this though).

Well….ermmm…ear sex is clearly after my time…

3. If we want to make the stigma go away we all have to start using it?

Ermm…we should all also refer to Chinese people as Chinks and Pakistanis as Pakis to remove the stigma…right…If all of a sudden Chinese people decided to refer to themselves as Chinks, are we all itching to join in on this?

P.S Some white people have been so brave to ask me why don’t white people get so offended when called crackers. Go look up the history of that word and compare it to other derogatory racial slurs…and who says cracker anyways? I have some of my white friend that jokingly call me ‘their nigga’, but like I said earlier it is context sensitive and we must be aware of this.

Stop posting quotes!

I am clearly not the only one getting sick of the quotingfest going on online these days. Are you guys trying to put churches out of business? All you need to do to change your life today is scroll through your desired social feed….NOT. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with some good words of wisdom now and again. But taking up posting quotes on a daily basis is just NOT COOL! Firstly, if your friends are hoping to get inspired and motivated then what the hell are they doing on Facebook??? and don’t get me started on Instagram. How do people even find the time of day to sift through quotes for social sharing? How about some meaningful social commentary applying ideas from these quotes, or plain old experience or even entertainment posting? This has become sort of the new way to fish for likes and comments. STOP IT: f*ck the likes and f*ck the shares ….hell f*ck comments too! Stop clogging my feed! And the most annoying of all, the cyber evangelist. Very soon there will be a way to collect offering on social media at the rate these guys are going.

Is this what Jesus has been reduced to? Even Peter denied him three times before the sun came up! This has to be the easiest test of faith ever!

As a special request, ladies please quit re-posting Marilyn Monroe’s quote. Some of you haven’t even seen a full length movie with her in it.