How much do you really NOT care?

It is very common these days to see people claim not to care about what other’s think about them. I have to confess I actually care and I think deep down a lot of people do. If not then why are we so bothered with pointless social participation on social networks? Why do we dress to be fashionable when we are afforded the option of comfort? Why do we get fired up when people have clashing opinions to ours if we really don’t care about what they think?

Contrary to the ‘I don’t care’ and ‘fuck the haters’ posts that clog my news feed I think we have never been more self conscious than we are today. I bet everyone knows someone doing the insanity workout and lets not even go into diet pills and plastic surgery. My question is why are we so scared to admit that we seek approval and acceptance? Surely this is a natural condition. We might want to all be unique individuals but no one wants to be an outcast. I’ve had girls say to me that they don’t care what anyone thought of their outfit, the same girls before my very own eyes labeled another girl slutty for dressing how they considered to be inappropriate. I wonder how they would have felt if they were on the other end of this label.

For the most part guys will admit to make an effort to impress women. The rise in small legs syndrome as a result of skipping leg training is evidence in itself why a lot of men pump metal at the gym. The notion of looking good for ones own self sound just vain to me. We might struggle to admit it but the principle reason to look good is to be approved of by others. Why else has Instagram been so successful? I mean what benefit is having someone like a photo of you to your life really? Just Google ‘studies on facebook pictures insecure’ and see the findings on the subject.

Dress how you wish to be addressed

Unfortunately we live in a society where perception is reality as much as we may wish to have it differently. In a conversation with a moderate feminist last weekend we managed to touch on the subject of how women should dress. I particularly try to avoid this topic because I am always worried about being misunderstood. In a free world we must be free to think and dress as we please, but we also have to take into account the consequences of some actions. We might not like to admit it, but our perceptions are constantly being reshaped daily by what we see around us. What I am trying to say is that while you can wear whatever you like, you have to be willing to accommodate assumptions attached to your choice of clothing.

I’m sure some of you have watched those Amazon tribe documentaries where women walk around bare breasted like it is casual. Well, I guess in some societies it is. They are not being labeled as sluts, hoes, or whatever derogatory term men use these days. In most developed or developing societies however, thanks to music videos and other media streams certain attachments come with exposing some skin especially the breasts and buttocks region (did I just write buttocks?). It is my opinion that while a woman is free to dress as she pleases without crossing the line of indecent exposure for the sake of children and the general public, she should also be aware of the perception she may be setting.

It is also worth mentioning that dressing extremely provocatively sends the male thinking down the testosterone route. I mean who looks at a female with half her tits hanging out and thinks ‘I bet she got a good head on her shoulders’. I will like to add that this is NOT an endorsement of rape and other blatantly anti-social and criminal behavior on the grounds that a female was showing too much skin. Men can think what we want to about the skimpiest outfit but it doesn’t justify grabbing a female’s bum without her permission. Display is no invitation.

P.S Why is it okay for women to pinch a guy’s ass but the other way round is a social crime….think about it.

Five in the AM

1. I’m not sure if this is what people mean when they say drugs kill but a Brazilian drugs trafficker was killed by his own stock when he was crushed by half a ton of marijuana.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2442411/Brazilian-man-crushed-death-weed-cannabis-trafficking-chase.html#ixzz2gk0PHlmS

2. What if I told you that 45 seconds is all you need to have your wine 5C cool? You don’t believe me? See the link http://www.wired.co.uk/news/archive/2013-10/03/v-tex-rapid-cooling

3. Another tragedy struck in Lagos on Thursday morning  when a chartered aircraft  carrying the remains of  a former Governor of Ondo State, Dr. Olusegun Agagu, 20 passengers  and crew crashed  less than a minute after take-off from the local wing of the Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Ikeja. See link for more detailed casualty report http://www.punchng.com/news/double-tragedy-aircraft-conveying-agagus-corpse-crashes-in-lagos/

4. FFA panel has found that Wi-Fi use is safe on planes even during takeoff and landing. I don’t know about you but I think this calls for a celebration 😀 See link for more details http://www.wired.co.uk/news/archive/2013-10/03/wifi-is-safe-on-planes

5. If you want to get one of these bad boys for Christmas the time to pre-order is now. Ladies, if your man has been really good please dress up as Santa and hand him one of these. See link for more info http://www.techradar.com/news/gaming/consoles/don-t-delay-sony-says-ps4-stock-will-be-tight-in-christmas-run-up-1186188

Annie Hall #Review

I decided to start my review series with my favourite romance movie (that’s right girls, men watch romance movies too). Annie Hall was Woody Allen’s attempt at reflecting the cycle of most romantic encounters. Even with advancements like the smartphone and social networking, this movie still captures romance as we experience it today. Where newer movies settle for C rate jokes and ridiculously cheesy lines, Woody Allen thrives with dialogue scripting that blends wit with humour which will require some thinking to understand most of times. I guess you can say it’s a nerd’s type of movie. But what makes Annie Hall really work is the level of realism the script is based on. Most of you will be able to watch this an relate with more than a few parts of the story. While I am tempted to discus plot lines I will refrain from the sin that is spoiling. This movie explores themes like self discovery, the nature of break ups, and the possessive element of love which creates the constant struggle between control and liberation. A must see on all accounts 8/10

Too much religion, too little spirituality

The other day I was having a conversation with a female friend of mine. It was a Sunday, and naturally she asked if I had done much with my day. I told her I hadn’t even stepped out the house and then came the second question. She now wanted to know if I went to a church service. I told her I didn’t and that was were our argument started. She said she would only marry a God fearing man and I asked her what that had to do with attendance in church.

Nigeria is an overly religious nation and if I dare say it, this is one of the biggest issues we face as far as social progression is concerned. Can you believe that on a road in Benin City I was able to count 16 churches in 1km. That is to say Usain Bolts would run past 16 churches in under two minutes in this city. But for all this presence of God in Benin there are very few cities in Nigeria as dangerous as this one. If we cannot accept anything else, let us at least accept that the current religious scene in Nigeria is marked with hypocrisy. How do we explain being one of the most religious countries in the world and also one of the most corrupt? An oxymoron if I ever saw one.

I have no problem with people believing whatever it is that soothes their soul, but when ideas drawn from these belief systems start to affect others then it become a problem. I will give an example. Earlier this year a law was passed to send homosexuals in Nigeria to prison for 14 years. Sadly, as I expected this was greeted with cheers by Nigerians on the premise that it was termed an abomination in the bible. This is the questions I pose to these so called Christians: What would Jesus do? Is the fundamental philosophy of being a Christian not being Christ-like? I cannot tell you for certain what Jesus would have done, but I am certain he wouldn’t lock anyone up for 14years. That in itself is immoral and if you support such measure of marginalisation then you are part of the Nigerian problem.

And when did religious grounds become valid for law making in a secular state? We were all up in arms with Yerima’s insinuation of child marriage on religious grounds, but when it suited our agendas we were all happy to accept religion as grounding for law making. And why stop at anti-gay laws, how about anti-adultery laws, laws against fornication,….did you know that the bible also regards eating shrimp to be an abomination in Leviticus! Where are the state laws to regulate these sins, or have we decided to pick and choose because it is easy to accept restrictions that do not restrict us. If you are a man and have watched girl-on-girl porn then you aren’t even qualified to have a negative opinion on homosexuality. For as long as religion has existed men have bent and twisted it to suit our needs and that is all that is happening in Nigeria today. I will stop here before I go into essay mode and rant on, but you can expect more posts of this nature. We need to drop this religious charade and get into the habit of learning to respect others even if we have clashing spiritual ideologies. It is almost as if the average Nigerian cannot comprehend that someone else can have a different idea of life to theirs, like we have some sort of monopoly of the truth.

53 years later…

I am no Nigeria historian or anthropologist but I don’t think it takes either to understand the Nigerian problem. It’s been 53 years and we still suffer from side-effects of colonialism as the world merges into a global village. Today Nigerians all over the world would be partying to mark he birth of our nation, but this is my question…what exactly are we celebrating? Surely this would be a good time to sit and reflect on our journey so far and the prospective future. With out constant reflection and evaluation how can we improve? Or is the idea of a better Nigeria merely a fantasy we delude ourselves with while carrying on with business as usual. I will spend this month writing on social issues in Nigeria and I would very much like fellow Nigerians and foreigners alike to engage in these discussions. As you can expect the content of some of these post will be sensitive, I ask that all arguments are brought forward with respect of each other’s opinions in the absence of foul language or other derogatory remarks. I look forward to hearing from you all.

Where do you stand on cheating?

Most of us will go through a cheating in one form or the other at some point in our lives. You may be a cheat or you may be cheated on, the only question is what are your opinions on cheating? For most guys this seems to be a no-brainer. Thanks to our ego and constant need to be viewed as adequate we are far less likely to put up with any form of cheating but ladies seem to tell another story. I have met some women very hot on this matter. In their opinion there is never an excuse or reason to cheat. If you cheat, you’re out and would be lucky to leave with both testicles and your car intact. Some other women on the flip side leave their partners with some room to wriggle. I have met ladies that are willing to discuss issues that lead up to the man cheating and if they feel they somehow contributed to the issues, they will forgive him and try to work it out.

While I will not endorse cheating as an alternative to problems in your relationship, I wouldn’t be naïve enough to say to you that it isn’t a common happening on every level of relationships. Personally, I believe in line with 21^st century thinking considering to scrap a relationship over one count of cheating might have you switching partners more often than you would like to. The expansion of choice we have when it comes to partners can easily act as a catalyst to cheating once some form of discontent sets in while we are married or dating.

I know a lot of people are going to push for the moral high ground and say if a person wants to play about so bad then they should break up. But that isn’t really the case is it? Most people that cheat due to emotional starvation or just boredom in their relationships do not necessarily want to cheat but circumstances can be arm twisting. Most females I know have confessed to speaking with potential dates before they breakup with their current partner which goes to show once discontent sets in we a porous to bending rules to soothe ourselves. From my own experience I also find it is easier to cheat with a girl in a long term relationship than one still enjoying the bliss of the first year period. I will write about reasons the ‘spark’ seems to die out in another post but for now I will like to know what you think about fidelity. Is there ever a reason to forgive cheating or do all cheats belong in the trash?

Five in the AM

Alfredo Moser: Bottle light inventor proud to be poor

1. What if I told you with only a bottle of water and some bleach you would never have to use a light bulb in the morning (as long as you live on the top floor that is). Alfredo has pulled off something similar to the work of Thomas Edison but he isn’t really looking to make a killing from his invention. See here for more: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-23536914

Dying Teen Is Being Denied A Heart Transplant Because He’s Had Trouble With The Law

2. Fifteen-year-old Anthony Stokes has less than six months to live unless he receives an emergency heart transplant. But his family has been told that Anthony doesn’t qualify for the transplant list because he has a “history of non-compliance” — partly due to his history of earning low grades and having some trouble with the law. Ermm…this kid is 15 and I can already feel this turning into another race matter…See more here: http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/08/12/2453941/dying-teen-heart-transplant/

Testicle-biting fish invading Denmark, authorities warn

3. Guys, stay out of Denmark….this fish eats balls…literally! http://www.foxnews.com/science/2013/08/12/testicle-biting-fish-may-be-invading-denmark/

Hyperloop: San Francisco to L.A. in 30 minutes

4. Science fiction or reality? Serial entreprenure and billionaire Elon Musk unveiled designs and plans for his hyperloop superfast transport system costing a fraction of the currently proposed high speed rail project. To think I was talking about something similar only three days ago! See here for more: http://money.cnn.com/2013/08/12/news/economy/hyperloop-elon-musk/index.html

5. Did you know you could name your child Jesus but apparently not Messiah. The question is can you name your ‘savior’ which would be the English equivalent? See here for more: http://uk.eonline.com/news/448182/judge-orders-baby-s-name-be-changed-from-messiah-says-only-jesus-has-earned-that-name

That’s just the way it is :)

Anatole France put it best: ‘All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.’. Only 24hrs before I return to my home country I can’t help but wallow in thoughts of closing yet another chapter to my life. Unlike any other chapter, I am finally close to 25 which marks the typical age for a good 21st century quarter life crisis. I cannot speak for everyone in my generations but most people I have discussed this matter with seem to share a certain sense of apprehension. Changes are inevitable in life but somehow we manage to form the habit of putting on resistance even though we know all this will cause us is pain.

A long time ago I came up with the idea that everyone existed with a steady mental state which comprised of certain emotional cycles played on repeat. This is why some people have to constantly be in fights in the course of a relationship but refuse to break up, or some people cannot stand being single for too long. Once we get used to a routine it is easy to swing into autopilot and essentially put our life on pause by repeating the same actions week after week. However, once in a while life decides you are overdue a change of scenery and in throws the wrench of time into your clockwork way of life.

I have had a brilliant life in the United Kingdom. I have friends here I will never forget, heartbreaks I will tell my kids about, and what if’s that might remain forever unanswered. In my time here this place has become a home away from home and for that I will miss it dearly. But instead of drowning in thoughts of all that I will miss, I have told myself to welcome the changes ahead to ease the pain. I look forward to experiencing my home country as an adult and setting out on all kinds of crazy adventures. As a writer I have often thought about my own life in a book. Each time I slip into one of these pitfalls of depression I stop to remind myself the book isn’t going to write itself and rereading the past chapters only takes away the time that should be used in writing the new.

Have you had to deal with any big changes recently? Breakup? City move? Graduated? etc, feel free to share your experience and  how you coped with it below.

No room for a home marker?

While I have always been an admirer of ambitious women I have also always been an advocate for freedom of choice. For the longest time I have been of the opinion that for a home to be run successfully, at least one of the partners involved has to be more domesticated. When I say domesticated in this instance I mean one of the two has to be concentrated more on the running of the house if they want to create time for the children and even for each other.

Traditionally, the role of home maker used to be that of a woman, but women have come a long way from that and I will not insult their struggle by suggesting that we go back to that. This is what I would suggest instead. I find that in most relationships there is already someone more suited to be the home maker and both already know this. If your mind has already nominated a woman to fill this position it’s not my fault that stereotype exists. I believe the more domesticated partner can be the man or the woman but that isn’t what makes us so nervous about playing the role of home maker.

For most men we have the egocentric thinking that tells us it is emasculating to take on such a role and there is also the problem of how women perceive men. I will venture into the land of assumptions and claim that most women are predisposed to being attracted by a financially successful man. This is not to be mistaken for gold digging! Being able to provide has long been an evolutionary advantage for men and that mentality still lives on. Women on the other hand face what I have now termed the ‘feminist stigma’. No man I know of has ever shown distaste over a woman deciding to get a job that afforded her more time at home (if the husband can afford it we don’t even mind full time housewives). Women on the other hand with the new ‘do you think I belong in the kitchen’ attitude have taken to talk down on other females that might have decided to become home markers.

Bit of funky grammar going on here…

It seems like in a world that demands more and more of our time, instead of running the family unit like a single household we have adopted an independent lifestyle over a cooperative one. Maybe it is time to start thinking about how we view relationship dynamics and how we think of the role of the home maker. Running a home is no easy task and sometimes could be the difference between a lasting relationship and a broken one.