It is very common these days to see people claim not to care about what other’s think about them. I have to confess I actually care and I think deep down a lot of people do. If not then why are we so bothered with pointless social participation on social networks? Why do we dress to be fashionable when we are afforded the option of comfort? Why do we get fired up when people have clashing opinions to ours if we really don’t care about what they think?
Contrary to the ‘I don’t care’ and ‘fuck the haters’ posts that clog my news feed I think we have never been more self conscious than we are today. I bet everyone knows someone doing the insanity workout and lets not even go into diet pills and plastic surgery. My question is why are we so scared to admit that we seek approval and acceptance? Surely this is a natural condition. We might want to all be unique individuals but no one wants to be an outcast. I’ve had girls say to me that they don’t care what anyone thought of their outfit, the same girls before my very own eyes labeled another girl slutty for dressing how they considered to be inappropriate. I wonder how they would have felt if they were on the other end of this label.
For the most part guys will admit to make an effort to impress women. The rise in small legs syndrome as a result of skipping leg training is evidence in itself why a lot of men pump metal at the gym. The notion of looking good for ones own self sound just vain to me. We might struggle to admit it but the principle reason to look good is to be approved of by others. Why else has Instagram been so successful? I mean what benefit is having someone like a photo of you to your life really? Just Google ‘studies on facebook pictures insecure’ and see the findings on the subject.
Unfortunately we live in a society where perception is reality as much as we may wish to have it differently. In a conversation with a moderate feminist last weekend we managed to touch on the subject of how women should dress. I particularly try to avoid this topic because I am always worried about being misunderstood. In a free world we must be free to think and dress as we please, but we also have to take into account the consequences of some actions. We might not like to admit it, but our perceptions are constantly being reshaped daily by what we see around us. What I am trying to say is that while you can wear whatever you like, you have to be willing to accommodate assumptions attached to your choice of clothing.
I’m sure some of you have watched those Amazon tribe documentaries where women walk around bare breasted like it is casual. Well, I guess in some societies it is. They are not being labeled as sluts, hoes, or whatever derogatory term men use these days. In most developed or developing societies however, thanks to music videos and other media streams certain attachments come with exposing some skin especially the breasts and buttocks region (did I just write buttocks?). It is my opinion that while a woman is free to dress as she pleases without crossing the line of indecent exposure for the sake of children and the general public, she should also be aware of the perception she may be setting.
It is also worth mentioning that dressing extremely provocatively sends the male thinking down the testosterone route. I mean who looks at a female with half her tits hanging out and thinks ‘I bet she got a good head on her shoulders’. I will like to add that this is NOT an endorsement of rape and other blatantly anti-social and criminal behavior on the grounds that a female was showing too much skin. Men can think what we want to about the skimpiest outfit but it doesn’t justify grabbing a female’s bum without her permission. Display is no invitation.
P.S Why is it okay for women to pinch a guy’s ass but the other way round is a social crime….think about it.
I decided to start my review series with my favourite romance movie (that’s right girls, men watch romance movies too). Annie Hall was Woody Allen’s attempt at reflecting the cycle of most romantic encounters. Even with advancements like the smartphone and social networking, this movie still captures romance as we experience it today. Where newer movies settle for C rate jokes and ridiculously cheesy lines, Woody Allen thrives with dialogue scripting that blends wit with humour which will require some thinking to understand most of times. I guess you can say it’s a nerd’s type of movie. But what makes Annie Hall really work is the level of realism the script is based on. Most of you will be able to watch this an relate with more than a few parts of the story. While I am tempted to discus plot lines I will refrain from the sin that is spoiling. This movie explores themes like self discovery, the nature of break ups, and the possessive element of love which creates the constant struggle between control and liberation. A must see on all accounts 8/10
The other day I was having a conversation with a female friend of mine. It was a Sunday, and naturally she asked if I had done much with my day. I told her I hadn’t even stepped out the house and then came the second question. She now wanted to know if I went to a church service. I told her I didn’t and that was were our argument started. She said she would only marry a God fearing man and I asked her what that had to do with attendance in church.
Nigeria is an overly religious nation and if I dare say it, this is one of the biggest issues we face as far as social progression is concerned. Can you believe that on a road in Benin City I was able to count 16 churches in 1km. That is to say Usain Bolts would run past 16 churches in under two minutes in this city. But for all this presence of God in Benin there are very few cities in Nigeria as dangerous as this one. If we cannot accept anything else, let us at least accept that the current religious scene in Nigeria is marked with hypocrisy. How do we explain being one of the most religious countries in the world and also one of the most corrupt? An oxymoron if I ever saw one.
I have no problem with people believing whatever it is that soothes their soul, but when ideas drawn from these belief systems start to affect others then it become a problem. I will give an example. Earlier this year a law was passed to send homosexuals in Nigeria to prison for 14 years. Sadly, as I expected this was greeted with cheers by Nigerians on the premise that it was termed an abomination in the bible. This is the questions I pose to these so called Christians: What would Jesus do? Is the fundamental philosophy of being a Christian not being Christ-like? I cannot tell you for certain what Jesus would have done, but I am certain he wouldn’t lock anyone up for 14years. That in itself is immoral and if you support such measure of marginalisation then you are part of the Nigerian problem.
And when did religious grounds become valid for law making in a secular state? We were all up in arms with Yerima’s insinuation of child marriage on religious grounds, but when it suited our agendas we were all happy to accept religion as grounding for law making. And why stop at anti-gay laws, how about anti-adultery laws, laws against fornication,….did you know that the bible also regards eating shrimp to be an abomination in Leviticus! Where are the state laws to regulate these sins, or have we decided to pick and choose because it is easy to accept restrictions that do not restrict us. If you are a man and have watched girl-on-girl porn then you aren’t even qualified to have a negative opinion on homosexuality. For as long as religion has existed men have bent and twisted it to suit our needs and that is all that is happening in Nigeria today. I will stop here before I go into essay mode and rant on, but you can expect more posts of this nature. We need to drop this religious charade and get into the habit of learning to respect others even if we have clashing spiritual ideologies. It is almost as if the average Nigerian cannot comprehend that someone else can have a different idea of life to theirs, like we have some sort of monopoly of the truth.
I am no Nigeria historian or anthropologist but I don’t think it takes either to understand the Nigerian problem. It’s been 53 years and we still suffer from side-effects of colonialism as the world merges into a global village. Today Nigerians all over the world would be partying to mark he birth of our nation, but this is my question…what exactly are we celebrating? Surely this would be a good time to sit and reflect on our journey so far and the prospective future. With out constant reflection and evaluation how can we improve? Or is the idea of a better Nigeria merely a fantasy we delude ourselves with while carrying on with business as usual. I will spend this month writing on social issues in Nigeria and I would very much like fellow Nigerians and foreigners alike to engage in these discussions. As you can expect the content of some of these post will be sensitive, I ask that all arguments are brought forward with respect of each other’s opinions in the absence of foul language or other derogatory remarks. I look forward to hearing from you all.
Recently I have come across three different articles, all written by women on ‘how to keep your man’. To my surprise each one of this articles painted a picture that all men really needed to be happy in a relationship was sex. They raised the notion that most women taper the supply of sex until men have to go elsewhere to fulfil their desires. One even went as far as saying that women can try things like changing sex location i.e a bit in the bed room, a bit in the kitchen…you get the drill. Now I won’t say men don’t need sex on a somewhat regular basis, but most mature men will tell you that like everything else sex has its place in our day to day life and an oversupply of it is not going to do you any special favours.
To start with, there is only so many times a man can have sex with the same woman before he becomes used to it and the excitement dies down. This woman can be the Mona Lisa or Beyonce, it doesn’t really matter. If you are hoping to hold a man’s interest you must consider a lot more than his sexual needs. In fact our sexual needs are the easiest to fulfil and let’s be honest, it doesn’t really take a lot to do this. So what do men want I hear you ask?
I cannot give you a golden bullet or a one answer solution because there isnt one. Different men want different things and do not ever let any book or article tell you what men want categorically. Instead of feeding you some recycled lie I would tell you a hard truth. The only way to secure a man’s heart is to make yourself indispensable. If any other woman can supply exactly the same services you are supplying then what makes you special? Contrary to the idea that men are shallow and want to sleep, fuck, and eat in any order, we are actually interested in a lot of things. Some men love football, some love music, some love politics, the list goes on. You only have to examine a male magazine stand to see how wide our interests can be. Instead of investing all your time in sex think about your man’s interests and passions and how you can support and discuss these things with him. Every man is looking for a woman to make him an even better man. Regardless of how good that pussy is (pardon my use of language), without the right personality to compliment it, a man will grow tired and stray.
I will be attempting to write about how to keep a woman interested soon but to be honest I am still trying to figure out that one. Wish you all the best in your dating endeavours 🙂